jokerstar

There are times I wish I did not have a degree, when I was not vaguely intelligent, I sometimes wish I did drink so I could get drunk every night so I could drown out the pain of being bored and alive.

Whenever you come across someone who you know is dumber than a sack of vomit don't be angry at them, you have to envy them a little bit.  They do not know how they are really being fucked over by the system.  Where do you think the term "Ignorance is bliss" comes from. When you do not know that you are getting screwed up the rear you can be happy. Knowledge is power, but it is also mental suffering. Especially when you know how bad things are and the fact that you really can't do squat about it.

And I will more than likely not vote come November because I lost faith in this system (Political, legal, and financial) years ago and do not wish to continue with the illusion that what you or I say actually means a damn thing anymore, and come to the realization that elections are nothing more than a charade to make everyone think that they are in control when in reality it is still just a select few that run things and we are nothing more than tools.

I mean, do you really know how fucked up things are right now, unless the next president can walk on water they are going to have a shitstorm of crap to deal with.

P.S. Good Night, I am tired and going the hell to bed. This is what happens when I lay in bed and cannot get to sleep, my brain jumpstarts and I think so much I cannot sleep. You see, if I was a mindless sheep I would not have this problem.

Sincerely Yours,

Disillusioned

my presentation went really well today. it was great and worth the work.
my dissertaion deadline was also moved to friday morning, which has given me more time (and more time to stress).

my feet hurt. too much standing.

ok I am getting my last plans together for bike week I am going down tomorrow night most likely (might go to Wilmington to see my mom tonight (not sure yet )

but I have a few lose plans for bikeweek one is to drive back to Wilmington each night for free sleeping (thats a lot of gas) or 2 find some one that wants to split the cost of a room half a room is 50 bucks or less depending on where we find

so gas for me back and forth to Wilmington each day would be around 40 if gass dosn't jump to high this next few days and well 10 bucks extra I could split a room and drive back and forth less so any one interested drop me a line or just call me 813 786 5784

and the more the marry as long as we keep the price under 50 each 3 people (a couple plus me in a 2 bed is 33.
33 each if we find a 100 buck place and I know there are places that are cheaper than that

I also have a big ass tent (3 room) that I could take down if some one wants to split a camp sight) the one I am thinking of staying in if there is room left when I get to it is about 50 a night

again if some one where to share that it makes it 25 each a night and it comes with an outlet and hot shower houses and usually free pancakes from the bikers for Christ in the morning out front of the camp sight

my plans while there are mostly to ride demo bikes and buy some stuff any one joining in my accommodation's is welcome to join or to come and go as they please
how ever be for warned I do wake early so any one sharing a room would have to be forgiving of my getting up and leaving in the early am

So this morning, on my way out the door, the mailman gave me a package, it was a lovely baking tray. sweet :)

Today mark and I went to Stroud by train to drop off art work at the stroud house gallery where I will be showing 5 pinhole photographs in their up-coming show titled 'Stitched Two.' we then had a lovely day wandering around Stroud's award wining farmer's market, the town center, and their shopping mall. I got to try lot of free samples of meats, cheeses, beer, and other such things, and so pretty much grazed the whole day. After that we went to see Speed Racer in the local cinema, which I thought was very good and mark liked ok. It was a very fun relaxing day. Then we had a drink in the pub to pass the 20 minutes till our train back to london and made in home in time to make dinner and watch an episode of Firefly. It felt like all the good of a vacation in like one afternoon.

Now back to reality, which is high pressured, full of deadlines, and lots of stress to be had.
Monday: My first day in the bookable space this week. I need to take advantage of the opportunity to use the space and try to figure out how I'm going to be displaying the works I've been making. I fear the bulk of the day will be spent painting the structure I have been building last week. There are like 35 things that all need two coats of paint. Also on Monday there is a school meeting at some point, probably in the morning.
Tuesday: My hour long studio practice presentation to the MA department and my fellow students is to be delivered at 11am. It's the most important presentation we give all year. I have yet to start writing it yet or making the power point, so it's full of stress. The real problem is that I don't really know what I'm doing so talking for an hour about what I'm doing will be really hard. I have to get up there and say something other than 'sorry guys, I'm totally lost, have not idea what I'm doing, am just making stuff for the sake of it, and no idea if it's going any where.' Their real critizizim last time a gave a persentation was that my work was not really consepualy enough and wasn't saying a clear message of any kind. that critisizim can totally be acuretly applied to my work now, and I fear the feed back part of my presentaion will just be reinforcing how lost I am and how my work mostly regressing.
Wednesday: On Wednesday I have to turn in the lasted draft of my dissertation. I have not even started the rewrite yet really. She said there was a ton of work it needed, a lot more research (which I don't have time to do) and a lot more writing. Not really sure how I can fit in all the extra writing since I am already at my word limit. Massive editing is really needed. Oh well, have to get what I can done.
Thursday and Friday: Working in the bookable space still (I am supposed to be there all week). Trying to get some artwork planing done. Also, hassling the tech guy about my printer which he stole, getting feedback from my adviser about my draft, and general preparing for leaving school for two weeks.
Saturday: Traveling to Stroud for my private view at the gallery. Trying to be a professional, interesting, articulate, and no-shy artist, meeting people I have never met before. But I am super excited to see how the work looks on the walls and with other work. I really don't know any thing about the gallery or what the opening will be like.
Sunday: pack, hang out with Mark, and get ready.

monday:FLY HOME!! The Boogie, family, friends, cat, Mexican food and all kinds of magical wonders await me. I am really only in town for about five seconds, but I can't wait!

Ten days later, it's back to London refreshed and ready to finish my glorious dissertation, show Allison a good time in Europe, find a wonderful place to live ands move house, move studios, make worthy artworks, and finish my academic career with flying colors by receiving my Master's Degree and producing a highly acclaimed show. (or at lest that is the plan, wish me luck)

Hey peeps, if anyone of yous feels like it- me, my sexy dez
and probably some other chicks are crashing gaynight @ legends.




My ears need to hear some different music! So if you feel like it,
you should come out toooooo :)

message me for extra info.



p.s.



I am wearing gothy clubbing clothes and so is dez
so if your feeling it- go for it!

Hope to see you there <3 Brandyy

Its been a great time to be me as of late.
Drunken madness, clubbing, dancing, voltaire, friends, romans, countrymen, dinosaur porn, incredible sex with beautiful girlfriend, and plenty of coffee and cigarettes.

So yea.
I am celebrating life these days.

( Have some pretty )

Ok, y'all.

I have to do this. In my time in town, I've encountered a whole lotta people calling out other people for sexual histories and assumed/ alleged STDs. And it seems like a certain people and certain STDs have been referenced quite a lot over the past... oh, seven years or so that I've been in town.

And, y'know: shut it. First of all, go do some research on the items you're stigmatising. This someone's got herpes? Whooptie shit, statistics indicate anywhere from half to over three-quarters of the US adult population has some form of The Herp. Think you get tested all the time so you're clean? Probably not. Had chicken pox, shingles, or a cold sore? Guess what? You're part of the club.

Curious about the clap, chlamydia, the syph, warts, or other fun things? Take a look at this chart (apologies for the poor spelling, but the references are fairly accurate), and be aware that most of 'em are treatable. Note I did not say "cureable" - though a lot of 'em are - but treatable.

Feel free to comment, but I am screening that shit til I read it. I ain't tryin' to have no flame wars here, but I am tired of hearing people get slammed for something that's not terrifically uncommon, is pretty mild as far as shit goes, and you probably have and don't know about anyhow.

Ai'ight? Now, next time I hear any that any of you fuckers are calling out one another for some supposed garbage, be aware I may have to go get my butter, 'cos if you're going to point at anyone, point at the whole damn city. At this point, you've already slept with all of it by proxy anyhow. So I'm over hearing how So-And-So has thus-and-such or hearing shitty remarks about any of the above and commentary on how/ with whom/ frequency of anyone's sex life and their moral fibre.

In a related vein, watch the mean-spirited jokes - do you know, for a fact, the status of that person you're telling it to? No? Then don't assume they think it's funny - it's entirely possible you're just marginalised them and made them feel shitty about something they may already be having a hard time with.

Got it? Good. Now, go frolic, use your condoms and dental dams as appropriate, and take your Valtrex. But quit making snide judgments about people for something trivial.* **











*if I hear someone's setting babies on fire and having them for dinner, that's a whole 'nother thing.
** Yes, I am fully aware that YOUR choices are your own to make - if something's a deal-breaker for you, then it is, and that's understandable and fine. I'm simply pointing out that it's entirely possible that someone would choose to be honest with you and may not be able to because they simply don't know. Yes, it happens - not everyone is conscious that a cold sore is herpes, and wouldn't think to mention it. Not everyone knows they're carrying 'cos it's not on most standard screens. So, chill out and don't get your knickers in a twist about things that are pretty minor in the grand scheme of things.

In an email from a colleague: "Pave is buttering them up..."

From Team-mate Short: "You're buttering someone up? Are you going to put them on a spit and roast them? 'Cos that seems like the kinda thing you'd do if they pissed you off. You do like to yell about how you're going to set someone on fire..."

Me: "I have a new threat! Don't make me get the butter, young man!"

*giggles like a dork*

... so if I say I am going to get the butter, be afraid. Apparantly.
---------------------------------------
Also from today, in the midst of a sugar frenzy (I ate a big pile of Starburst jelly beans and kinda went a little... Um. Nuts):

Team-mate Lanky: "Well, Team-mate Short is good for two things: peanuts, and jelly beans!"

Me: "Yes, he is good for the protein and sugar!"
Me: *slaps hand over mouth*

Co-Worker #1: *cracks up*

Everyone Else: "...?"

(I mean, helloooooo!! Protein? Sugar? Pr0n Fact0ry? Anyone? Bueller? No? Just us then, Righto.)

Ok, I spent many long hours, working into the night on my little website that could. It's not perfect, but I'm very proud of how far it has come. if you all get some free time and want to check it out, please get back to me with any broken links, typos, spelling errors, or general advice.
I know the front page needs some more content and images, but it's up! for right now, the email is not work :(

jessamynbailey.com

p.s. thank you mark, for keeping me from crying when i could figure it out.

Excellent weekend of much-need chillax.

Good friends, good company, valuable reconnect with HotRod.

For those that made it possible, I thank you, and send you affection and comfort when you need it.

To those of you I didn't manage to see, I have high hopes that I will be able to do so soon. XO

I found this in some of my webbnernet wanderings, and OH! It's so perfect for me right now. I'm having a lot of reclamation of some spiritual things I had lost sight of right now - for those of you not into spiritual questing, it's going to sound hokey as hell, but to those of you who are, I'm sure you remember what it's like when that mystic moment of giving it up descends on you. At this moment in my life, that's what's driving me: the ability to turn my will and my life over to the mandates and guidance of the Universe and my HP. I'm far from good at it, but I am trying very hard to maintain that line of communication and hear that small, strong voice in my soul.

( And a TMI survey stolen from LaPetiteFlower )

been trying to rewrite my web site, wish i knew what i was doing. (don't go look)

so no one wants to claim responsibility for the blender ether? i made a milkshake with it today, yummy.

second sunday tomorrow, :) no school.

my landlady, her husband, and their friend are all in the kitchen (which is a feet, considering the size if the kitchen) trying to figure out how my washing machine works. clearly none of them are qualified to work on washing machines. they are arguing about whether there is a broken belt or what, the guy who came last week said it was the bearings. i think at this rate they will be here all day again. it would be really great if they could fix it today, we have no clean cloths in the house, but i don't hold out much hope. all my landlady says is that it must be our fault some how because the washing machine was practically new! (which is a lie).

Ahhh....

update: they have left now. there were here a few hours in order to figure out that they think it's the belt, not that they know where the belt goes. any way, they are going to order a new belt (they don't know from where) and said it will be another five to ten days.

but i think they will just put on a new belt to fine out it still doesn't work because the first man was right and there are broken bearings. i am estimating at lest another two weeks before we get a working washing machine (a total of a month with out one)

mark yelled at the landlady when she started to get unreasonable, making him my hero for the day.